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Quick answer: The best books on rebuilding trust after infidelity include After the Affair, How Can I Forgive You?, Not ‘Just Friends’, Surviving Infidelity, Getting Past the Affair and Healing from Infidelity. Start with After the Affair or Not ‘Just Friends’ for clear guidance, and read How Can I Forgive You? if forgiveness is the question.
If you are in an unsafe situation or thinking about harming yourself, call local emergency services or call or text 988 in the United States.
Infidelity shakes the foundation of a relationship. The person who was betrayed may feel shock, rage, grief and doubt, while the person who strayed may feel shame, confusion and fear. Some couples separate; others choose to rebuild. Research and clinical experience suggest that recovery is possible but requires honesty, accountability and time. The books on this list guide readers through the stages of healing, explain why affairs happen and describe how trust is slowly restored. They are written for the betrayed partner, the unfaithful partner or both. Please read them gently, and consider working with a couples therapist trained in infidelity recovery, since these situations are complex and emotional.
Table of Contents
Quick Picks at a Glance
| Book | Author | Focus | Best For |
|---|---|---|---|
| After the Affair | Janis Abrahms Spring | Recovery | couples who want to rebuild |
| How Can I Forgive You? | Janis Abrahms Spring | Forgiveness | readers considering forgiveness |
| Not ‘Just Friends’ | Shirley P. Glass | Research | readers who want understanding |
| Surviving Infidelity | Rona B. Subotnik and Gloria G. Harris | Guide | betrayed partners |
| Getting Past the Affair | Douglas K. Snyder, Donald H. Baucom and Kristina Coop Gordon | Program | couples working with therapists |
| Healing from Infidelity | Michele Weiner-Davis | Guide | couples seeking practical steps |
| The State of Affairs | Esther Perel | Perspective | readers who want nuance |
| The Truth About Cheating | M. Gary Neuman | Research | readers who want data |
| Private Lies | Frank Pittman | Classic | readers who like candid writing |
| Hold Me Tight | Sue Johnson | Connection | couples rebuilding closeness |
| The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work | John M. Gottman and Nan Silver | Marriage | couples wanting tools |
| Attached | Amir Levine and Rachel Heller | Attachment | readers curious about patterns |
| Radical Acceptance | Tara Brach | Mindfulness | readers dealing with pain |
| The Body Keeps the Score | Bessel van der Kolk | Trauma | readers experiencing trauma symptoms |
| Maybe You Should Talk to Someone | Lori Gottlieb | Memoir | readers considering counseling |
1. After the Affair by Janis Abrahms Spring
A clinical psychologist outlines how both partners can recover, with specific roles for the hurt partner, the unfaithful partner and the couple. Compassionate and practical.
Best for: couples who want to rebuild.
2. How Can I Forgive You? by Janis Abrahms Spring
Explains what forgiveness is and is not, and how an apology and acceptance can occur. Thoughtful and clear.
Best for: readers considering forgiveness.
3. Not ‘Just Friends’ by Shirley P. Glass
Glass, a psychologist, explores how affairs begin, including emotional ones at work, and how couples can heal.
Best for: readers who want understanding.
4. Surviving Infidelity by Rona B. Subotnik and Gloria G. Harris
Provides guidance for dealing with the shock and making decisions after discovery.
Best for: betrayed partners.
5. Getting Past the Affair by Douglas K. Snyder, Donald H. Baucom and Kristina Coop Gordon
Based on research, it offers a structured program for coping with the crisis, understanding the affair and moving on.
Best for: couples working with therapists.
6. Healing from Infidelity by Michele Weiner-Davis
Describes how to survive the aftermath and build a stronger marriage. Direct and encouraging.
Best for: couples seeking practical steps.
7. The State of Affairs by Esther Perel
Perel explores why people cheat and what affairs say about desire and longing. Thought-provoking.
Best for: readers who want nuance.
8. The Truth About Cheating by M. Gary Neuman
Based on interviews with unfaithful men, it examines motives and prevention.
Best for: readers who want data.
9. Private Lies by Frank Pittman
Pittman, a family therapist, writes about infidelity with bluntness and wit.
Best for: readers who like candid writing.
10. Hold Me Tight by Sue Johnson
Offers seven conversations to repair attachment bonds.
Best for: couples rebuilding closeness.
11. The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John M. Gottman and Nan Silver
Gottman’s research-based principles help rebuild friendship and trust.
Best for: couples wanting tools.
12. Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller
Explains attachment styles that influence how people respond to betrayal.
Best for: readers curious about patterns.
13. Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach
Offers a compassionate approach to difficult emotions.
Best for: readers dealing with pain.
14. The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk
Explains how betrayal and other traumas affect the body. Content note: descriptions of trauma.
Best for: readers experiencing trauma symptoms.
15. Maybe You Should Talk to Someone by Lori Gottlieb
A therapist describes her own breakup and therapy.
Best for: readers considering counseling.
How to Choose the Right Book on Rebuilding trust after infidelity
Pick by your role and goal. If you were betrayed, After the Affair, Surviving Infidelity and Not ‘Just Friends’ help you understand and decide. If you want a structured recovery plan, Getting Past the Affair and Healing from Infidelity give steps. If you want to understand why people cheat, The State of Affairs and The Truth About Cheating offer perspective. If forgiveness is the question, How Can I Forgive You? and Radical Acceptance are thoughtful. For general relationship repair, Hold Me Tight and The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work help.
Which Book Should You Start With? A Quick Guide
If you are not sure where to begin, match your situation to the list below.
- Couples who want to rebuild: After the Affair
- Readers considering forgiveness: How Can I Forgive You?
- Readers who want understanding: Not ‘Just Friends’
- Betrayed partners: Surviving Infidelity
- Couples working with therapists: Getting Past the Affair
- Couples seeking practical steps: Healing from Infidelity
- Readers who want nuance: The State of Affairs
- Readers who want data: The Truth About Cheating
- Readers who like candid writing: Private Lies
- Couples rebuilding closeness: Hold Me Tight
- Couples wanting tools: The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work
- Readers curious about patterns: Attached
- Readers dealing with pain: Radical Acceptance
- Readers experiencing trauma symptoms: The Body Keeps the Score
- Readers considering counseling: Maybe You Should Talk to Someone
A Simple Reading Plan
A sensible order helps you build momentum. Open with After the Affair, which is accessible and encouraging, and finish it before you buy anything else. Next, choose How Can I Forgive You? to deepen what you learned, then Not ‘Just Friends’ when you are ready for a different voice or a more demanding read. Between books, take a few days to try something you learned, because rebuilding trust after infidelity is easier to understand once you have tested it in real life. Keep a simple note on your phone with the title, your rating and one takeaway for each book you complete.
Print, E-Book or Audiobook?
Print, e-book and audiobook each suit different readers. Print is best for books you want to mark up and return to, which is useful for practical guides on rebuilding trust after infidelity. E-books are cheap, portable and easy to search, and they make it simple to highlight a passage and find it again later. Audiobooks turn commutes, chores and walks into reading time, and a good narrator can make a heavy book on rebuilding trust after infidelity easier to take in. Your public library offers all three through apps like Libby, so you can try a title before buying it. Many readers use two formats for the same book, listening first and then skimming a print copy for notes.
How to Get More From What You Read
To get more from these books, read with a pen and a question. Decide before you start what you hope to learn about rebuilding trust after infidelity, and check at the end of each chapter whether you found it. Mark passages that feel true for you, and write down the ones you disagree with, since disagreement is also learning. Pick one practice from each book and try it for two weeks before judging it. Talking about the ideas with someone you trust, or writing a few lines in a journal, helps them move from your head into your life. Be patient with yourself; change comes in small steps.
Reading on a Budget
You do not need to buy all of these books. Your public library likely lends print, e-book and audiobook copies of many titles on rebuilding trust after infidelity for free, and the hold feature lets you queue for popular ones. Used paperbacks are usually a few dollars, and thrift stores, library sales and swap groups are good sources. If you want to own a book you will mark up, buy the print edition; if you want to try several, borrow first and buy only the ones you finish and love. Subscription audiobook services often offer a free trial that covers a first title, and some libraries partner with apps that need only a library card.
Talk About What You Read
Reading on your own is valuable, and reading with others adds accountability. Consider forming a small book club around rebuilding trust after infidelity, taking turns to choose a title from this list. Meet monthly, ask each person to share one idea and one action, and keep the tone supportive rather than competitive. If your friends are not interested, look for a local library group or an online community. A shared conversation helps you notice things you missed, and the encouragement of others makes it easier to keep going when progress feels slow.
Common Mistakes to Avoid
Three mistakes come up again and again. First, readers choose a book that is too advanced or too long and give up on the topic altogether, so start with an accessible title. Second, they read passively, without notes or a plan to use what they learn about rebuilding trust after infidelity. Third, they expect immediate results and quit when the change is slow. Avoid these by starting small, taking notes and giving each idea at least two weeks. If a book does not suit you, move on; the list above has plenty of other voices.
How to Judge a Book on Rebuilding trust after infidelity
Not every book on rebuilding trust after infidelity is equally reliable. Before you trust one, check the author’s background: are they a researcher, clinician, journalist or someone writing from lived experience? Each can be valuable, but they offer different things. Look for notes and references at the back, which show the claims can be checked. Be wary of books that promise a quick fix, rely on a single story or dismiss all other views. Read a few reviews from people with different perspectives, and treat bold claims as hypotheses to test in your own life. A good book invites questions instead of demanding agreement.
When Reading Is Not Enough
Reading can illuminate and encourage, yet some situations need more than a book. If you notice that your struggles with rebuilding trust after infidelity are getting worse, lasting a long time or affecting your health, reach out to a professional you trust. Local libraries, community centers and workplaces often offer free resources, classes or referrals. Sharing what you are reading with a friend can open the door to a supportive conversation. Use these books as companions on the journey, and let real people walk it with you.
Questions to Reflect On
Keep these in a notebook and return to them after each book:
- What do I most want to understand or change about {t}?
- Which idea from my reading feels true for me, and which do I doubt?
- What is one small action I can take this week?
- Who could I talk to about what I am learning?
- How will I know in a month that this reading helped?
Tips for Reading About Rebuilding trust after infidelity
- Seek a therapist. Choose one experienced in infidelity.
- Ask for transparency. Rebuilding trust requires openness.
- Give it time. Healing often takes years.
- Protect your health. Consider testing and care if needed.
- Decide at your own pace. Do not rush decisions.
Related: 15 Best Books on Divorce Recovery and the Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck Summary and Key Takeaways.
Frequently Asked Questions
What is the best book for rebuilding trust after infidelity?
After the Affair is widely recommended for both partners.
Can a relationship survive infidelity?
Many couples do, but it takes honesty, accountability and often professional help.
Should the unfaithful partner read these books?
Yes. Several, like After the Affair, include guidance for the partner who strayed.
How many books on rebuilding trust after infidelity should I read at once?
One or two at a time is plenty. Finish a book, try one idea from it and then move on, so what you read turns into something you do.
Are these books on rebuilding trust after infidelity available as audiobooks?
Most of them are. Check your library’s app, such as Libby, or an audiobook service, and listen to a sample to see whether the narrator suits you.