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Quick answer: If you liked Come as You Are, try Burnout, Come Together, Becoming Cliterate, Mating in Captivity, Girls & Sex and The Body Keeps the Score. They offer science-based, kind information about bodies, stress and desire.
Emily Nagoski's 2015 book explains the science of women's sexuality in plain and warm language, with ideas like the “dual control model” and context. Readers who finish it want more evidence-based books about desire, bodies and well-being. This list is for adults and includes books on sex, stress and relationships. Some contain frank language.
Table of Contents
Quick Picks at a Glance
| Book | Author | Ages | Best For |
|---|---|---|---|
| Burnout | Emily Nagoski and Amelia Nagoski | Adult | readers who liked her style |
| Come Together | Emily Nagoski | Adult | readers in relationships |
| Becoming Cliterate | Laurie Mintz | Adult | readers who want practical advice |
| Mating in Captivity | Esther Perel | Adult | couples |
| She Comes First | Ian Kerner | Adult | partners |
| Girls & Sex | Peggy Orenstein | Adult | parents and educators |
| Why Women Have Sex | Cindy M. Meston and David M. Buss | Adult | readers who like science |
| The Body Keeps the Score | Bessel van der Kolk | Adult | readers who want trauma insight |
| Our Bodies, Ourselves | Boston Women's Health Book Collective | Adult | readers who want a reference |
| Daring Greatly | Brené Brown | Adult | readers who want courage |
| The Gifts of Imperfection | Brené Brown | Adult | readers who want self-compassion |
| Untamed | Glennon Doyle | Adult | readers who like a memoir |
| Rage Becomes Her | Soraya Chemaly | Adult | readers who want a cultural look |
| Hunger | Roxane Gay | Adult | readers who want a memoir |
| The Come As You Are Workbook | Emily Nagoski | Adult | readers who want exercises |
1. Burnout by Emily Nagoski and Amelia Nagoski
The Nagoski sisters explain stress, how to complete the stress cycle and how to rest. Practical and funny.
Best for: readers who liked her style.
2. Come Together by Emily Nagoski
Nagoski's follow-up on how couples can keep sex satisfying over time. Clear and practical.
Best for: readers in relationships.
3. Becoming Cliterate by Laurie Mintz
A psychologist explains the orgasm gap and how to close it. Direct and practical.
Best for: readers who want practical advice.
4. Mating in Captivity by Esther Perel
A therapist explores how to keep desire alive in long relationships. Thoughtful and wise.
Best for: couples.
5. She Comes First by Ian Kerner
A guide for partners on pleasing women. Direct and clear.
Best for: partners.
6. Girls & Sex by Peggy Orenstein
Orenstein interviews young women about their sexual lives. Honest and thoughtful, and useful for parents.
Best for: parents and educators.
7. Why Women Have Sex by Cindy M. Meston and David M. Buss
Two psychologists report on 237 reasons women give for having sex. Research-based and curious.
Best for: readers who like science.
8. The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk
Van der Kolk explains how trauma lives in the body and how it can heal. Influential and long.
Best for: readers who want trauma insight.
9. Our Bodies, Ourselves by Boston Women's Health Book Collective
A landmark guide to women's health and sexuality. Comprehensive and updated.
Best for: readers who want a reference.
10. Daring Greatly by Brené Brown
Brown writes about vulnerability and shame. Warm and practical.
Best for: readers who want courage.
11. The Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown
Brown explains how to embrace imperfection and live with courage. Clear and kind.
Best for: readers who want self-compassion.
12. Untamed by Glennon Doyle
Doyle writes about listening to your inner voice and breaking free of expectations. Funny and emotional.
Best for: readers who like a memoir.
13. Rage Becomes Her by Soraya Chemaly
Chemaly explains why women are told to suppress anger and how to use it. Smart and clear.
Best for: readers who want a cultural look.
14. Hunger by Roxane Gay
Gay writes about her body, trauma and the world's judgment. Direct and painful.
Best for: readers who want a memoir.
15. The Come As You Are Workbook by Emily Nagoski
A companion with exercises and worksheets for the ideas in the main book. Practical and friendly.
Best for: readers who want exercises.
How to Choose
Start with Burnout if you want help with stress, or Come Together if you are in a relationship. For research, read Why Women Have Sex. For parents, choose Girls & Sex. A simple plan is to read a chapter at a time, take notes and talk with a partner or friend. These books are for adults and include frank sex education and discussions of trauma. Treat these as self-help and education: read a chapter, reflect, and talk with a trusted person. If you find a particular book helpful, consider a reading group or a therapist to discuss. Many libraries carry these titles in print and as audiobooks.
Related: 26 Reasons Why Books are Important in Our Life · 10 Reasons Why Are Books Better Than Movies
Frequently Asked Questions
What is the dual control model?
It is Nagoski's explanation that sexual response depends on an accelerator and a brake in the brain.
Is Come as You Are only for women?
It is written for women, but partners and others often find it useful.
Is it scientific?
Yes. Nagoski is a sex educator with a PhD and cites research throughout.
Is there a workbook?
Yes, The Come As You Are Workbook offers exercises.
Are these books only for people in relationships?
No. Many apply to single readers who want to understand their bodies and stress.
Where can I find more reliable information?
Look for authors with medical or counseling credentials and citations to research.