Disclosure: As an Amazon Associate, Bookish Wisdom earns from qualifying purchases. This doesn’t change our picks or your price.
TL;DR: Untamed by Glennon Doyle is a memoir and call to live authentically, built from essays about her divorce, her new love, recovery from addiction and bulimia and her motherhood. Doyle argues that women are trained to distrust their inner voice, the Knowing, and invites readers to stop pleasing others, trust themselves and live free.
Glennon Doyle is the author of Love Warrior and the founder of the nonprofit Together Rising. In Untamed, published in 2020, she tells the story of how her life changed after she realized that she was in love with another woman, soccer star Abby Wambach, while still married. The book became a number one New York Times bestseller and a Reese’s Book Club pick. It’s part memoir, part manifesto, with short, vivid chapters. Here’s a summary of its main ideas. Content note: the book discusses infidelity, divorce, addiction, an eating disorder and sexuality.
Table of Contents
Untamed at a Glance
| Detail | Info |
|---|---|
| Author | Glennon Doyle |
| Published | 2020 |
| Genre | Memoir, self-help |
| Core idea | Trust your inner Knowing instead of the cages built by expectations |
| Structure | Short essays in several parts, moving through her life story |
| Best for | Readers who like candid memoirs about identity, womanhood and change |
What Is Untamed About?
Doyle opens with the story of a cheetah she saw at a zoo. The animal, caged and trained to follow a routine, seemed to have forgotten its wild nature. She uses the image to ask: how many of us have become tame, taught to ignore our instincts to meet other people’s expectations?
The book’s central idea is the Knowing, a deep inner sense of what is true for you. Doyle says that women in particular are taught to doubt this voice and to be good, pleasing and small. Untamed is her argument for trusting yourself.
Key Ideas, Part by Part
Caged: Learning to Distrust Yourself
Doyle describes how she grew up believing that she must be agreeable and perfect. She shares her history of bulimia and addiction as a teenager and young adult, and how she found sobriety when she became pregnant. She suggests that her struggles came partly from trying to numb feelings she was told to hide.
She also discusses how social conditioning, from religion and culture to family, taught her what a good woman and wife should be. Seeing those messages clearly was part of freeing herself from them.
Awakening: Marriage, Betrayal and the Knowing
Doyle writes about her marriage to Craig Melton, which ended after he was unfaithful, a story she tells in Love Warrior. After the divorce, she found love with Abby Wambach, and she describes the moment when she knew, with clarity, that she had to follow her feelings, even though it meant upheaval for her family and public life.
She stresses that she did not want to hurt anyone, but that staying in a life that did not fit would harm everyone more in the long run. She frames the decision as a choice to honor her Knowing.
Parenting, Boundaries and Truth-Telling
As a mother of three children, Doyle reflects on how to raise them with honesty, love and freedom. She shares how she and her ex-husband worked to co-parent kindly. She also talks about teaching children to trust their own inner voices and to question rules that do not serve them.
Doyle includes essays about friendship, racism, privilege and fighting for justice. She encourages readers to be brave, to speak out and to seek community. Her mantra, we can do hard things, appears throughout.
Becoming Untamed
The final sections gather her lessons: ask yourself what you truly want, tolerate discomfort as part of growth and notice when you are acting out of fear or obligation. She argues that it is okay to disappoint people, and that living honestly is a gift to those around you.
The memoir ends with an invitation: to become untamed, to live in alignment with your Knowing, and to help others do the same.
6 Key Takeaways From Untamed
- Trust your inner Knowing. Your deep sense of truth is a guide.
- Question the cages. Notice expectations you absorbed.
- Discomfort is part of growth. We can do hard things.
- Honesty is a gift. Living truthfully can free others.
- Disappointing others is okay. You can’t please everyone.
- Community matters. Find people who support your growth.
Ideas Worth Remembering
- Pleasing others at the cost of yourself is a trap. (paraphrased)
- Courage is acting on the Knowing. (paraphrased)
- Hard things can lead to freedom. (paraphrased)
- Your story can help someone else. (paraphrased)
How to Apply Untamed in Real Life
- Check in with your Knowing. Sit quietly and ask what you really want.
- Name one cage. Identify an expectation you follow out of habit.
- Practice a small no. Decline something that drains you.
- Find your community. Seek friends who encourage honesty.
- Say I can do hard things. Use it as a mantra in tough moments.
Criticisms and Limits
Critics say that Untamed is self-focused and that its message to follow your feelings may not account for the impact on families, or for people with fewer resources to make dramatic changes. Some readers find the writing sentimental or repetitive, and others feel the advice is vague. The book’s treatment of religion and marriage drew criticism from some conservative readers, while some critics found its politics overly simple.
Still, it has resonated with many readers. Treat it as one woman’s honest account, and think carefully about how its ideas apply to your own circumstances.
Untamed in One Minute
Women are often taught to be pleasing and to doubt themselves. Doyle invites readers to listen to their inner Knowing, question cages built by culture and expectations, face discomfort and live honestly. Her own journey through addiction, divorce and new love illustrates the cost and the freedom of that choice.
Why the Book Resonates
Many readers feel seen by Doyle’s frank storytelling about self-doubt, motherhood and desire. The short essays are easy to read in small bits, and her humor and openness draw people in. The book also sparked conversation about gender roles, marriage and identity, with some celebrating it as liberating and others finding it self-focused.
Discussion Questions for a Book Club
Consider: Where have you felt caged by expectations? What does your Knowing say right now? How do you balance honesty with responsibility to others? Which essay moved you most, and why? Do you agree that disappointing others can be an act of love? These questions work well in book clubs and can lead to candid conversations.
Note on Sensitive Topics
The memoir includes discussions of an eating disorder, addiction and betrayal. If these topics are difficult for you, read at your own pace. In the US, the National Alliance for Eating Disorders helpline is 1-866-662-1235, and the SAMHSA helpline at 1-800-662-4357 offers referrals for substance use. If you are in crisis, call or text 988.
Reading Untamed Critically and Kindly
A memoir shows one person’s view of events, and Doyle’s story involves real people, including her former husband and children. It can inspire without being a guide for everyone. Consider what resonates, such as listening to your instincts, and what might not apply, such as the specific choices she made. Balancing inspiration with careful thought for the people your decisions affect is part of practicing the Knowing wisely.
Pairing the Memoir With Research-Based Reads
If you want to follow Untamed with books that offer more structure, consider Brene Brown’s The Gifts of Imperfection for research on worthiness, Self-Compassion by Kristin Neff for exercises in kindness and The Body Keeps the Score for the connection between emotions and the body. Together, they offer a mix of story, science and practice that can support change.
Who Should Read Untamed?
Read it if you enjoy candid memoirs, are questioning expectations in your own life or want an encouraging voice for change. It’s less a how-to than a story and a pep talk. For a more research-based look at similar themes, read The Gifts of Imperfection.
What to Read Next
- Love Warrior by Glennon Doyle a memoir about marriage, betrayal and healing
- Braving the Wilderness by Brene Brown the quest for true belonging
- Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert creative living beyond fear
Related: The Gifts of Imperfection summary and key takeaways and The Mountain Is You summary and key takeaways.
Frequently Asked Questions
What is the main idea of Untamed?
That we should trust our inner Knowing and stop living by others’ expectations.
What is the Knowing in Untamed?
Doyle’s name for the deep inner voice that tells you what is true for you.
Is Untamed a memoir?
Yes, it is a memoir mixed with essays and reflections.
What is the cheetah story?
A story about a caged cheetah that Doyle uses to illustrate being tamed by expectations.
Who is it for?
Readers who like personal, candid stories about identity and change.